Posts Tagged ‘ occupational hazards ’

The Perfect Job for a Caveman is…

A writer.

Caveman comic *Google images

And that’s the problem; I’m no troglodyte. Instead I work a lot, trying to take care of myself and Mr. Fluffy (My imaginary cat friend who only exists in the very depths of my lonely soul). Rent is high (Too damn high!) and it seems like selling my liver might be the only aperture into middle class comfort. My schedule is horrendous, limiting the amount I write, maintaining this dilapidated blog, play TOR (In which I have become homesick after leaving Coruscant), and to socialize in my niche of half-baked friends.

11 am– I get up and “dress for success”.
12-1 pm– My usual biking adventure through 107 degree weather.
2 pm– Work
3 pm– Work
4 pm– Work
5 pm– Work
6 pm– Lunch!
6:30 pm– Back to work
7 pm– Work
8 pm– Work
9 pm– Work
10 pm– Work
10:30 pm– When the heavens sing and I make my way back to my rest chamber.
11 pm– I get a shower while responding back to the flooding of late texts
12 am – 3 am– After procuring a case of writers block, I stare at a blank page of nothingness, falling asleep to await the rinse-and-repeat process of the next day.

Perhaps a few nights of self-induced insomnia could allow me to finish the book that I am writing in the alloted time my procrastination is off shift.

The Rise of the Titans will surely be published soon…only delayed for another eight years hopefully.

Time for Virtual Party Hats v3

It’s that time again; the time to slap on those party hats, burst open that confetti, and increase those chances of dying from a sugar overdose. Ever since our last celebration (in which we witnessed the spotlight of the most popular post ever, lots of applause, and empty promises) a lot has happened such as some more crazy posts (as usual), a fellow writer that joined the wonderful WordPress community, and a depressing move from an occupational department to another less interesting one.

Besides that there is one thing that is more paramount than anything else…

That means People from all over wasted took their time to read the contents of my blog 5,000 times! A milestone worthy of an achievement.

…Okay, perhaps not…

But what does deserves one is my short story “Steamship Billy” who won an Honorable Mention in the TDG Create a World Writing Contest. Now it may not seem like a big deal–“Oooo, you got a picture with some girly flowers on it.”–but it’s the first time my writing has received any kind of recognition, and even though I came close to third, it’s worth it all.

So, what will you see in the upcoming months?

  • More short stories
  • More GIF’s of supreme hilarity
  • Additional Blogroll victims friends
  • A new layout and theme
  • More postsYou Don't Say

Perhaps the next party will celebrate a Freshly Pressed or our next milestone of 10,000 views. Then again I would like to thank all my friends, followers, and guests that have given feedback and read what I had to say.

I wonder what could be the reason in so much popularity…

20120423-235425.jpg

A Nerd and His Bike

“Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.”
-H.G. Wells

If there is one thing that every kid wants to learn is to ride a bike. I was that kid and many of my friends were as well, you were cool if you had a bike in the neighborhood I resided at for the majority of my childhood. The main reason was that us kids lived next to the hill we called “Devils Peak” and whoever could ride to the top of the hill and race back down without crashing or getting hit with a car was given a plastic attachment to put in the tire spokes, making any ordinary bike sound as fierce as a motorcycle (because that was cool too).
Now I’m 19 and I still enjoy using human-powered vehicular transportation. Many people that know me (and likely other people) wonder why I don’t have a car at my age; I don’t have a license, therefore I have no choice but to ride a bike to get to and from work. I don’t mind at all, even in 20 or 90 degree weather because the benefits exceed what some would call “burdensome”.

So I have devised a list of things that makes cycling a better alternative to driving cars. (And it has nothing to do with carbon emissions or any kind of Global Warming issue–I’ll leave that to Rush Limbaugh)

  • Better Health- Increased cardiovascular endurance, stamina, strength, and improved balance. In 30 years down the line you could be known as “Thunder Thighs”. (“Ya’, buns and thighs.”)
  • Relieves Stress- Regardless of the main reason you mounted yourself on two wheels you’ll get to where you need to go feeling relaxed and happily energized, giving you a dose 100% self-esteem.
  • Makes You Feel Like A Pokemon Trainer
  • Burns Calories- You could lose around 11 pounds a year if you cycled for 30-60 minutes everyday. It also increases your metabolic rate.
  • No Gas- (that reason could win any argument)
  • Less Maintenance- Far less than any Pinto or Smart Car.
  • FREE PARKING
  • Road Advantage- In a worldwide crisis (or the Zombie Apocalypse) traffic will slow to a halt and those stuck in their cars will have to walk the rest of the way, being subject to dangers and flesh eating creatures. Those on bikes will be able to maneuver their way around town, dodging critical impasses and traversing where no car has gone before.

My bike–or otherwise known as Betty.

Many people think and say that those who ride bikes are lame and wear funny hats, but I have come to conclude that they have never experienced the true joy of riding a bike (or aren’t aware of proper safety equipment). Just to say to those who do think so, just remember; I’ll be 85 years old and still moving like Jagger.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

(Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

Me: “We do not sell internet.”

Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

Me: 

Working as a Tech Support Agent has to be the best job I have ever been hired to do and as much as I love it there are some “occupational hazards” that come from trying to fix others problems. You see it all the time where I work (in which I am told not to disclose the exact location), people call in about a certain issue or error that has overcome their system or program, they want it fixed as soon as possible and start to blame you for their situation.
After two (or even more) hours of sifting through their computer you begin to realize the main error is the object in between the chair and the keyboard…
Human error is the main cause for many problems, in a particular instance a customer called about wanting to backup her client data. I walked her through the problem to find an unusual pause in the conversation, I asked what was going on and she said that the program was nowhere in sight. “She must have deleted or misplaced the desktop icon…” I thought, but when I remoted in the entire program was uninstalled. I asked her why it was removed from her drive and the response that came was unlike anything other I could ever imagine.
I had to delete the program to make room for the client data.”


Now don’t get me wrong–I understand that some–okay, A LOT of people are computer illiterate, but I cannot stress the fact enough that if you don’t know what you’re doing, don’t try to fix a problem by yourself especially when it concerns a program that is vital to your occupation. If computers are necessary for your job I suggest learning everything you can about them or at least as much as you can retain mentally.
Some problems on the other hand have nothing to do with computers, but simple common sense; stupidity has overtaken this world and it’s only a matter of time before the world must be eradicated. (to those who are offended by this post the feeling is mutual)

Me: “Hello, I hear you are having a problem with your printer.”

Customer: “Yes, I changed the cartridge and it says that it’s still out of ink.”

Me: “Ok, did you remove the blue tape before inserting the new print cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep! Sure did!”

(After literally two hours of model number and cartridge number verification and even installing new firmware on the printer among many other things…)

Me: “Ok ma’am, can you take the ink cartridge out for me?”

Customer: “Ok, it’s out.”

Me: “Is there blue tape over the copper on the bottom of the cartridge?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “Could you remove it and re-install the cartridge?”

Customer: “Oh hey! It works!”

(I’ve never wished more that I could slap people via telephony.)

This is why Aliens haven’t dared come near us.

Thanks for http://notalwaysright.com/tag/tech-support for the stories of complete idiocy.