Posts Tagged ‘ Life ’

Pertinacious Paranoia

“Sometimes paranoia’s just having all the facts.”
-William S. Burroughs

Paranoia: a thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs, or beliefs of conspiracy concerning a perceived threat towards oneself. (e.g. “Everyone is out to get me.“) Making false accusations and the general distrust of others also frequently accompany paranoia.

If the entire world were to congregate in two places; one for those who make decisions based on Paranoia and the other for those who “claim” to be “normal”, the world would tilt a few degrees to one side. Everyone has some degree of paranoia and those who say that they don’t…well…I’ll tickle your fancy and congratulate you on your incredible achievement.
For the rest of us we will prolong our membership to Paranoids Anonymous and search for the paradise known for indispensable peace from people and their harrowing judgements. As a writer (if I have the permission to call myself that from you professional types) paranoia is a daily intake as much as carbs and sugar; just as unhealthy, just as fattening. I can’t help it, every word I inscribe onto a sheet of paper leaves behind a reminiscent feeling that someone, somewhere is going to question why I would even burn the minutes of my life away in such inferior work. (I should refer back to a previous post, but perhaps I shouldn’t)
The inevitability of worry threatens me right as the cursor rests upon Submit, Publish, Send, or Reply and will always do so until I happen to silence my procrastination; the thoughts that fly through my mind consists mainly of “What if they hate it?” or “This will never get any likes.“, I feel as there are all-powerful WordPress admins who read everyone of my posts and deems it as “Readable” or “SHALL THE DEVIL BE SANCTIFIED” material. It would explain the lack of likes and comments that boost my ego which allow me to continue on. (How inflated I would be if this were Freshly Pressed…)

After searching through the W.W.W. or the Worldly Waters of Wackos, I stumbled across blog.davemsw.com and a picture he posted he called as the “Hierarchy of Paranoia”, a simple diagram showing the different levels of social fear.

Where do you rank?

I see myself around the first or second level of Paranoia, the average Joe who believes they are attentively watching your every move and snickering at how terrible your hair looks. A person to be at the fifth stage/level however is one who blames falling over in their chair on someone’s Fus Ro Dah.

Now I’m no expert, but for someone like that is worthy of a Code Brown everywhere they go, but I’m not one to judge…

…because somewhere in the world…someone…is judging me. O_o

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When Life Hits Ya’, It Leaves Bruises

What really happens when you turn 18.

Lethargic, ignorant, and possessed more knowledge about Halo than I did about American History; that was me at the age of 16. I was convinced that this “Golden Age” of not having any responsibilities was going to last, I could play with my Xbox for as long as I wanted, and the only function school served was for social gatherings. I was known at that time to not take things seriously (and sometimes I still am) so I blindly believed life would treat me well regardless.

Then I turned 18.

The day before I hopped on the train going 3mph, then all of a sudden it speeds up to around a hundred and I’m struggling to hold on. Everything else after that came faster than I was prepared for; I needed to get a job, I needed to start providing for myself, getting finances in control, learning to drive, getting my GED, and taking care of legal and government requirements. The time my schedule allowed only had room for work and studying, suddenly I longed for some time off to do something for myself.
I was now in the shoes of an adult…perhaps because I was one–and the transition was not comfy to say at the least.

If I could go back in time in warn myself of what was ahead I would be more prepared, I would have payed attention in school instead of writing so much, I would’ve gotten a job sooner, and read Checkbook Balancing for Dummies.
Now I see others going through the same thing. I see them sit around all day, doing nothing other than doing school work and playing. Not that these activities are bad in any way, but they don’t seem to have a desire to start preparing for the change that will come about. I can sympathize with the matter and I know that when life hits ’em, it’s going to hit hard.

I’m only on the first stepping stone in this journey and when the time comes to get my own house, marriage, and sustaining a family–I’ll be ready…hopefully.

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