Posts Tagged ‘ Humor ’

Time for Virtual Party Hats V5; One Lovely Blog Nomination!

Here we are once again to celebrate the greatest moments of my blog’s history; looking back at all the tears, blood, sweet, and Bengay used to craft such a blog of incredulousness. This time the party welcomes the news of its second award from another blog, My Two Caps. The blog carries a lot of great posts pertaining to the vast realm of virtual reality and the geekhood we so proudly engage in.
I sincerely thank you for such an honor and since the nomination was granted due to the earlier posts I made about gaming, Better With A Pen shall continue on with the game related news, reviews, and sneak peeks. The news shall also continue on the brother site Gaming The Systems, so don’t fret my dears.

One Lovely Blog Award

In part of accepting such award there are some rules that follow:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
  • Share 7 things about yourself. (Keep in mind that children may read this)
  • Nominate 15 bloggers you absolutely relish.
  • Leave a comment on each of these blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

So now that the rules are acknowledged, I must acknowledge them myself. 7 little known facts:

  1. I have written an entire novel in my youth, deciding that it would serve a greater purpose as kindling than a readable piece of material.
  2. I’m very outspoken and I don’t let anything stop me from speaking my mind, which gives others the impression that I am an insensitive pompous jerk.
  3. I like to reenact Brian Regan’s standup routines, having the uncanny ability to replicate his voice. (As much as someone doesn’t like it…)
  4. I have never been able to successfully write a poem, as each 15-word heartfelt letter becomes a 15-page heartfelt letter.
  5. I dress like a hipster, but remain classy and suave.
  6. I’m crazily, insanely in love with someone right now, so I thought I should tell the world.
  7. I still enjoy drawing my StickMan Adventures comic series I began in my year at Puerto Rico. It now happens to be on it’s 10th season.

Now here are the 15 blogs that I would like to nominate for this meritorious award:

So, go on to check these great blogs out. Maybe even read a bit. It’s healthy.
Let the party commence!

funny gifs

Internet Friends: Chapter Two

The orthogonal room Kathy occupied for hours began to induce a degree of Cabin Fever. She used the excuse of possessing a sore body to justify the lacking desire to part from the enticing comfort of the bed.  The adventure her and AJ endured was enough to make anyone not want to move either, but the mysterious origin of the discovery they made had a magnetic attachment. They both wanted to go back, regardless of how dangerous the situation could be and as much as AJ advised against visiting again, Kathy felt a strange need.
A knock on her bedroom door initiated a groan as she forced herself to her feet. AJ stood before her holding flowers and a box of her favorite candy.
“Good morning honey.”
AJ and Kathy locked lips and held each other for a few seconds. It lasted longer than usual and as much as she was enthralled by the surprise, she was also concerned.
“Sunflowers…on a Tuesday morning? What’s going on?”
AJ chuckled. “What makes you think that theres something wrong?”
Kathy gave him a look that explained everything. AJ sighed and sat beside her on the bed.
“Im leaving. I don’t know for how long, but it may be for a week. The team decided that going to Washington DC is for the best.” AJ said solemnly.
Kathy looked down in a depressing manner beginning to imagine some unfortunate event that she could create to keep him here. AJ lifted her head by the chin and kissed her. “I love you babe, but this is what the Debate Team has always wanted to do. It’s not like im not coming back.”
“I know.” Kathy chuckled. “I know.  I hope you have a great time.”
“I hope so too.”
AJ left the room with Kathy in his arms and the two made their way to the high school.

Aurobindo High was one of the more hostile educational establishments in the state-wide area, it crawled with cyber-bullies and all forms of technological terrorists who loved to “troll”. The school’s system and how it functioned revolved around modern devices and the accessibility of the internet, one of the first to become a fully paperless environment and replaced everything with computer interfaces. It was Kathy’s sanctuary amid all of the conflict.
AJ hauled the two suitcases onto the bus, completely unaware that the entire space allocated for luggage was to it’s capacity. AJ cursed silently and handed them back to Kathy for her to set them aside.
“Wow. I can’t believe it, no room at all. I figured maybe they would get a bus big enough for 13 people.” AJ said bothered by the fact the back of the small yellow vehicle was full to the ceiling with luggage of assorted colors.
“You could set them in the walkway.” Kathy said, trying her best to offer her services of wisdom, but AJ refused every one and continued to fret over the lack of preparation. “It’s going to be fine. Someone will come and make room.”
AJ sighed in agitation. “The bus can explode for all I care. Then they’ll be room.”

Suddenly a bright flash blinded the couple, shrapnel from the bus flew out of the fireball that engulfed the transport vehicle hitting AJ in the arm. He fell to the ground, clutching the fresh slash in his limb. The searing heat from the explosion injected more pain as he groaned in agony.
“What the hell!?” Kathy exclaimed in shock. “What did you do?”
“Me? Why would I do that? …It…was only a wish.”
Kathy shook her head in bewilderment while AJ googled at the flaming remains of the bus.
“Do I have superpowers?” 

The ride to the hospital lasted longer than usual, enough time for AJ and Kathy to analyze every little detail of the incident. It didn’t make sense to any of them to how a simple joke instantly manifested into reality.
“Do you think it was some kind of murder plot?” AJ concluded.
“Who would want to murder you though?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anyone who would hate me passionately enough to kill me.”
Kathy ran through the numbers in her head. She knew AJ wasn’t the most liked person at the school and she only knew of one person who would attempt to challenge his mortality. “Dean. What about him?”
AJ pondered the name, but no viable reason surfaced to what could be behind Dean’s motivation in wanting to end his life. “I couldnt tell you. It may be, but we need to find more clues.”
“Like this?” Kathy said as she handed her phone to AJ. A text message stretched across the screen reading,

Enjoy the show kids?
We don’t like killing off younglings such as yourselves, but the secret of the Citadel will not be placed in the hands of those who’s comprehention of power exceeds what can be understood. Or controlled.
Do not begin to question the seriousness of my intentions, you two hold a secret greater than you realize.
We plan to take it back.

A cold chill ran down AJ’s back. “They tried to kill me.”
“It has to do with that room we found. The Citadel was mentioned in that one note too.”
“Yeah, so? I still want to know what this secret is that is so dang important. We didn’t even steal anything, all we did was read the note.”
“And found out that who ever was in there before us spied on hundreds of people…and what happened to him.”
AJ shot a look of shock at Kathy. “How much information did you uncover?”
“Just that. The history of the guy who was there before and nothing else. Apparently he was part of the Interweb Reformery and was trying to reverse some effect that changed the world. He researched everything he could about the internet and discovered what he called a “Matrix Backdrop” which supposedly has to be part of the secret he was…deleted for.” Kathy said to her best knowledge.
“Deleted?”
Kathy nodded with a gulp.
AJ stared off into the black asphalt of the road they traveled on, baffled at the ludicrous news that entered his ears. The “D” word rang in his head like a painful memory. AJ only heard of the word being used in that same manner once before, mostly in urban legends of people that dissapear without any trace left behind, and no suspect to blame for it. His gut wrenched in worry that he was now completely exposed to death’s touch, not only him but Kathy as well; the love of his life now in the same danger as he. The risk of him losing her was not an option and he vowed at that moment that he would fight against that fate that was inching nearer in his mind. He wondered if Kathy felt the same, realizing that he now had not only her life in his hands, but the entire world as well. 

                                                                      ************

The night passed by with several mixed feelings stirring inside of the two. There was no telling what each one felt at any given moment due to the extreme nature of their situation. AJ waited for his insides to turn upside down to expel his lunch for relief, including the desperate need for asprin for the patchwork from his wound, and Kathy wished that she would’ve been born with the personality of dumb blonde. The two sat on the porch of Kathy’s apartment, looking up at the stars in a conscience despair for answers.
“I feel as if this is my fault.”
“Nonsense.” AJ said defensively. “It’s us. We did this.”
Kathy buried her face in her hands and began to cry. AJ moved her arm toward him and placed his hand in hers, clasping them together. “We will get through this. It’s going to be hard, but nothing impossible.”
Kathy smiled through the tears and huged AJ tightly. “Tomorrow, we finish this war.”

When You Don’t Know What To Write…This Is What It Looks Like

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indeed

Things You Should Never Do In A Foreign Country (Or Oregon)

Preparing for an out-of-state trip has my insides fluttering in excitement…and fear. A large percentage of the fear originates from the doubt of my survival in unknown territory (I’ve seen Taken folks.), but I happen to be wearing my big boy pants.  Before I begin my conceded self-proclamation of awesomeness, I’ve decided that I should prepare myself for the experience that lies ahead, including what I say, wear, and act around an alien culture.
So for those who are ready to travel around the world, I implore you to study this handy guide that will not only help preserve your mortality, but make the trip the most memorable to remember.

  1. The first and last experience of your trip will be the airport engagement. Baggage check and ticket verification will be the more important events that will take place, among those will also be the threat detection and prevention. We have all been through this, a person clad in authoritative uniform waves a magic stick around your body and you have no choice to follow through and remove each and every metal object. (Keep in mind, some airports revert to extreme measures and may require you to remove zippers, buttons, and pins which may not come off of said clothing. You get the rest.)
    Another thing is the baggage check where you have the chance to leave behind certain items one could have a hard time living without. (Hairdryer, straightening iron, hair spray …don’t shake your head…) Officers may come across as hostile upon discovering these items at first, but don’t fret; don’t speak of any bomb or say “It’s not like im a genocidal terrorist here!”, that may just ruin your vacation before you can even set foot on the plane.
  2. Next in the schedule is the plane ride. After watching multiple movies spectating in-air disasters, it might become uncomfortable after a short while, regardless of the previous times you’ve sat in a jumbo jet because somewhere in the depths of your brain, a voice will be chanting “You’re going to die, you’re going to die…“. The moment is crucial for the duration of the ride that you retain composure and not panic, even if a gentleman with a full beard wearing a turban across the row is looking at the cabin more attentively than usual. Do not jump to conclusions and yell the “T”-word when in reality he was only waiting to expel the contents of his bladder.
  3. Third in line is the hotel/motel/straw hut check-in. In foreign countries where English is as unspoken as Patwin, it may be harder to get directions to the temporary place of residency that seemed to disappear off the face of your map. To encounter a local and attempt to ask where you are forces you to mimic their language, in which you may be seen as a complete idiot or retard (or whatever insult best describes the situation). For prevention always take time to learn the basics of the language where you will be traveling in, even if it means investing in Rosetta Stone…or the strange neighbor you’ve neglected to interact with.
    Also, be extremely cautious when telling others where you’re going, they could very well be pirates or disgruntled employees who are desperate for your out-of-country riches.
  4. Sightseeing can be fun. Sightseeing can be dangerous. Who would want to face the latter? Not me, therefore when trekking to see the rare sites make sure they are legally accessible. Spending the night at a Écouter is not the most scrapbook worthy moment, so don’t try to break into sites with chains, barbwire, electrically charged fences, trap doors, scorpions, or men in fuzzy black hats that are preventing further entry. Also don’t forget that some sites can also be owned privately. Theres nothing more embarrassing than being caught taking a photo of an ancient shrine that is actually someone’s front lawn ornament.
  5. Last, but certainly not least is the food. For the love of Heimdall and the rainbow bridge, DO NOT REJECT FOOD EXTERNALLY OR INTERNALLY IN A DISTASTEFUL MANNER. In multiple cultures the kitchen can be a sanctum and the meals prepared there are close to divine. Always remember that if you do not like something, display a cheerful smile, carefully turn to hide from direct eye contact, and dispel the substance from the mouth without a groan, choke, or gag then continue to thank the cook and bestow blessings upon their children.

These might just have changed not only your travels, but changed the history of tourism itself. Keep these in a handy little note tucked firmly between the fold of a wallet, or even tattooed on your arm for easy access; regardless of how you remember them, always take the fate of your trip with a grain of salt. Things will happen unexpectedly even with extreme preparation and planning.
Who knows, you might just see yourself in one of those airplane disaster movies…

Internet Friends: Chapter One

The faint sound of multiple clicks echoed throughout the small enclosed room, lit only by the screen of a computer monitor. The pair of eyes from a young man followed every movement that was displayed and hardly took the time to attentively notice his surroundings, which housed a strange figure lurking in the darkness. It only took a few minutes to find what the young man was searching for on the internet, grabbing a notebook and jotted down a few words. His head moved back and forth while copying every character on the screen as the dark figure moved close and closer towards the distracted boy.
The characters began to form a large paragraph and then a full page in a short timeframe; it was to his knowledge that the information he was in the process of recording was urgent and severely confidential, something that others would kill to know.
“I found it. Now everyone will know the truth behind this world.” The boy said enthusiastically. Suddenly the dark figure slammed the boy’s head against the table, leaving an imprint of a grid across his face. The boy was momentarily discombobulated, but as soon as his awareness emerged the figure slammed his head again. The boy swung his arm, trying to grab a hold of whoever it was then pushed his chair back. The figure fell backwards which gave the boy enough time to snatch the notebook and run out of the room.

“The boy is out! the boy is out!” The figure yelled into an in-ear receiver. He ran toward the escapee while managing to hurdle over several items that were thrown in the way. The boy opened the door and hid into the large bush that surrounded the side of the building, hoping that the perpetrators would lose him. The figure that exited the building turned into a man in a black bodysuit and greyish armor that was moulded to fit his form. He surveyed the surroundings, waiting for any movement that could identify the target’s location.

“The notebook Mr. Lancing, is vital to the survival of not only your life, but the rest of humanity’s.” Said the man as he circled the front lawn. “You know now, you know of the secret, but some secrets are meant to be kept from the knowledge of petty beings such as you. Any alteration in this world can potentially change everything, for what you know on the other hand, can destroy everyone.”
The boy tried the hardest to keep from giving himself away, holding his breath every time the man approached, but regardless of his determination, he let the notebook slip from his arm. The man paused and turned around to see it’s blue cover on the ground.
“Hmmm…so Mr. Lancing, you decided that you should give up. Good choice.”
The boy shot from the bush and snatched the notebook, running into the alley behind a string of houses.
“Gatherer five-one-five-two, you have clearance to delete.” The man said into the earpiece.
The order was carried out instantly and as the boy disappeared from the perpetrators, he vanished into nothing. Notebook and all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The popping sound of a received notification prompted AJ to pull his phone from his front pocket. Friends on the social network decided it would be entertaining to begin a rant on how the political standing of the running candidates for president was unfair and an economic trap for the population. He ignored and brought his attention back to his girlfriend.
“It’s Frank and Gene again, isn’t it?”
“Don’t worry about it Kathy. It keeps my profile alive.” AJ chuckled.
“I can hack into their profiles, potentially prevent anymore activity, and shut them up for as long as needed.”
AJ threw a concerned look at her. “No. That wont be necessary honey. ”
Kathy was the technical witch who spent her time with computers while being a girly girl at the same time. She had the nerdiness that only emerged in the most unpredictable moments, surprising anyone on the room who believed her to be whatever came to mind from her appearance. AJ on the other hand was a slight degree off of a jock, but had the caring love for Kathy that a typical stereotype would lack; sports, martial arts, and partying were a part of his repertoire. Kathy chose nine times out of ten to stay indoors and watch intellectually stimulating movies and fix file systems for operating platforms. Regardless she still enjoyed hanging out with friends and matching to AJ’s adventurous antics.

“We should do something today. Anything that we havent done before? AJ said with a curious mind.
Kathy thought for a second and responded rather cautiously. “Well, there is one…”
“Like?”
“We could visit that weird house down the block. I was told it’s vacant and that it holds the spirit of a madman. Perfect opportunity to test that EMF reader.” Kathy said with a gleaming smile.
AJ couldn’t resist and kissed her multiple times. “To the haunted house it is.”

The building reminded AJ of the cliché houses used in horror shows and books with the overgrown vines scaling the side of the walls, dusty windows that acted as drawing palets for smiley faces and clean me messages, peeling paint, and the slightly opened door that told countless stories of people who ran out in fear of what was manifested before them.
“Are you sure this is safe hun?”
Kathy nodded naively. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t. You seem scared.” She teased.
“Scared? No…just…”
“Uh-huh.” Kathy laughed.
The House *Google images
The two walked in slowly, cautiously navigating in prevention from injury and other hazards. The place reeked of rotting wood and for all they knew perhaps mold. Kathy activated the EMF reader and flipped two antennas from it’s side. The beeping of the device showed signs of an immediate presence, forcing the couple to glance at each other in surprise and continued to venture on with a heightened sence of excitement. It was only a few minutes into the investigation that the short pauses of beeping turned into long stretches of irritating sound, the temperature gauge read a chilling 69 degrees and the hair on their bodies stood up like trees.
“So much activity. This is amazing.” Kathy said enthusiastically.
“Oh yeah. Way too much activity.” AJ said with a shaky voice. He felt as if he was succumbing to the intimidation of what ever entity was present, he almost wanted to leave, but there were things that made him want to venture on and explore deeper. They reached what they guessed to be the living room, an area with furniture covered in white sheets. The curtains let rays of sunlight through the multiple holes made by moths and other pests, it landed on broken pictures of an old man in a top hat. Others were of a family of seven, with the same man prominently shown in each.
“That must be the guy that they say died here.” AJ reconfimed.
“Wasn’t it…Leeroy?” Kathy asked, trying her best to recollect the old stories of the place.
“The best way to figure it out is to look in that bookshelf. Maybe there’s something in there.”
A few more steps into the depths of the room uncovered a weak spot in the foundation, sending Kathy into the darkness of the basement. AJ screamed and launched himself forward to catch her, but it only collapsed the floor wider allowing him to fall on top of the soft wood and his girlfriend. They grunted in pain as they sat up, looking above in a bewildered manner.

“What the hell?” Kathy said.
“Damn that hurt.”
Kathy slapped AJ in the arm in response to the curse word. He had a extreme habit of practicing the language which she hated more than anything.
“Oww. Yikes, as if falling ten feet wasn’t enough.”
“I don’t like that. I don’t like this either, but I’d rather be stuck down here.”
The gaping hole that seemed like the new sky taunted the two maliciously. “We need to figure out how to get back up there, it’s pitch black in here.” AJ said as he lit the screen on his cell phone. The area that was visible by the light showed several large monitor screens and deactivated computers. Cobwebs and vines joined in a biomechanical ensemble which gave the feel of being transported hundreds of years into the future.
“Kathy, you need to see this.”
She grabbed her phone and serveyed the same area as AJ. “This is amazing. I don’t even recognize those models.” Kathy aproached the gigantic towers and screens, adoring the discovery as if she had found lost treasure. “These are definitley more advanced than what I’ve toyed with before.”
“What do you mean? It looks like it’s been here for decades honey.”
Kathy swipped the dust from the top of the tower and searched for a power button. “These are definitely new. Odd.” The search ended when a small circle was pressed in, initiating the whirring sound of a fan. Suddenly lines of white light traveled from the tower to the middle of the floor where it spread throughout the rest of the room and reaching the other towers. The screens displayed an eerie “hello” and showed windows of active cameras that were placed around the city.
“What the hell did we do?” AJ said slightly nervous.
“I don’t know, but whoever this person was liked to watch you sleep.”
AJ ran up to the screen Kathy stared at in awe. His bed with the blue sheets in disarray matched the current state he last remembered it to be in. “This is real time. I’ve been spied on.”
“But for how long? And why you?”
AJ and Kathy couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around the newly unearthed concept that the privacy of their lives had been compromised. They discussed an authoritative to tell police, but Kathy’s curiosity kept the investigation alive.
“We shouldn’t tell anyone untill we know what we’re up against.”
“What if it’s too much for us to handle. We could end up in danger and I don’t want that for you.”
“Come on, we’ve been so wasted our brains have a dependency on beer. This couldn’t be nearly as dangerous.” Kathy said as she picked up a note from the desk. It read,

To whom ever finds this room again;
I have recorded vital information that will lead the rebellion back to the Citidel.
The Interweb Reformery will never be the same and the world as we know it is in danger.
Everyone could die. I feel my end coming the longer I present the evidence that this world is more fantasy than reality. 
A fabrication. But we need this, to restore the world to it’s old soil is necessary for the longevity of mandkind.
Please. Save us.

AJ and Kathy stared at the note in horror and shock. She lowered the small peice of paper and dropped it back onto the dust ridden table. “Open mouth. Insert foot.”