Archive for the ‘ My Heteromorphic Life ’ Category

Time for Virtual Party Hats V5; One Lovely Blog Nomination!

Here we are once again to celebrate the greatest moments of my blog’s history; looking back at all the tears, blood, sweet, and Bengay used to craft such a blog of incredulousness. This time the party welcomes the news of its second award from another blog, My Two Caps. The blog carries a lot of great posts pertaining to the vast realm of virtual reality and the geekhood we so proudly engage in.
I sincerely thank you for such an honor and since the nomination was granted due to the earlier posts I made about gaming, Better With A Pen shall continue on with the game related news, reviews, and sneak peeks. The news shall also continue on the brother site Gaming The Systems, so don’t fret my dears.

One Lovely Blog Award

In part of accepting such award there are some rules that follow:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them in your post.
  • Share 7 things about yourself. (Keep in mind that children may read this)
  • Nominate 15 bloggers you absolutely relish.
  • Leave a comment on each of these blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

So now that the rules are acknowledged, I must acknowledge them myself. 7 little known facts:

  1. I have written an entire novel in my youth, deciding that it would serve a greater purpose as kindling than a readable piece of material.
  2. I’m very outspoken and I don’t let anything stop me from speaking my mind, which gives others the impression that I am an insensitive pompous jerk.
  3. I like to reenact Brian Regan’s standup routines, having the uncanny ability to replicate his voice. (As much as someone doesn’t like it…)
  4. I have never been able to successfully write a poem, as each 15-word heartfelt letter becomes a 15-page heartfelt letter.
  5. I dress like a hipster, but remain classy and suave.
  6. I’m crazily, insanely in love with someone right now, so I thought I should tell the world.
  7. I still enjoy drawing my StickMan Adventures comic series I began in my year at Puerto Rico. It now happens to be on it’s 10th season.

Now here are the 15 blogs that I would like to nominate for this meritorious award:

So, go on to check these great blogs out. Maybe even read a bit. It’s healthy.
Let the party commence!

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When You Don’t Know What To Write…This Is What It Looks Like

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Indeed

Things You Should Never Do In A Foreign Country (Or Oregon)

Preparing for an out-of-state trip has my insides fluttering in excitement…and fear. A large percentage of the fear originates from the doubt of my survival in unknown territory (I’ve seen Taken folks.), but I happen to be wearing my big boy pants.  Before I begin my conceded self-proclamation of awesomeness, I’ve decided that I should prepare myself for the experience that lies ahead, including what I say, wear, and act around an alien culture.
So for those who are ready to travel around the world, I implore you to study this handy guide that will not only help preserve your mortality, but make the trip the most memorable to remember.

  1. The first and last experience of your trip will be the airport engagement. Baggage check and ticket verification will be the more important events that will take place, among those will also be the threat detection and prevention. We have all been through this, a person clad in authoritative uniform waves a magic stick around your body and you have no choice to follow through and remove each and every metal object. (Keep in mind, some airports revert to extreme measures and may require you to remove zippers, buttons, and pins which may not come off of said clothing. You get the rest.)
    Another thing is the baggage check where you have the chance to leave behind certain items one could have a hard time living without. (Hairdryer, straightening iron, hair spray …don’t shake your head…) Officers may come across as hostile upon discovering these items at first, but don’t fret; don’t speak of any bomb or say “It’s not like im a genocidal terrorist here!”, that may just ruin your vacation before you can even set foot on the plane.
  2. Next in the schedule is the plane ride. After watching multiple movies spectating in-air disasters, it might become uncomfortable after a short while, regardless of the previous times you’ve sat in a jumbo jet because somewhere in the depths of your brain, a voice will be chanting “You’re going to die, you’re going to die…“. The moment is crucial for the duration of the ride that you retain composure and not panic, even if a gentleman with a full beard wearing a turban across the row is looking at the cabin more attentively than usual. Do not jump to conclusions and yell the “T”-word when in reality he was only waiting to expel the contents of his bladder.
  3. Third in line is the hotel/motel/straw hut check-in. In foreign countries where English is as unspoken as Patwin, it may be harder to get directions to the temporary place of residency that seemed to disappear off the face of your map. To encounter a local and attempt to ask where you are forces you to mimic their language, in which you may be seen as a complete idiot or retard (or whatever insult best describes the situation). For prevention always take time to learn the basics of the language where you will be traveling in, even if it means investing in Rosetta Stone…or the strange neighbor you’ve neglected to interact with.
    Also, be extremely cautious when telling others where you’re going, they could very well be pirates or disgruntled employees who are desperate for your out-of-country riches.
  4. Sightseeing can be fun. Sightseeing can be dangerous. Who would want to face the latter? Not me, therefore when trekking to see the rare sites make sure they are legally accessible. Spending the night at a Écouter is not the most scrapbook worthy moment, so don’t try to break into sites with chains, barbwire, electrically charged fences, trap doors, scorpions, or men in fuzzy black hats that are preventing further entry. Also don’t forget that some sites can also be owned privately. Theres nothing more embarrassing than being caught taking a photo of an ancient shrine that is actually someone’s front lawn ornament.
  5. Last, but certainly not least is the food. For the love of Heimdall and the rainbow bridge, DO NOT REJECT FOOD EXTERNALLY OR INTERNALLY IN A DISTASTEFUL MANNER. In multiple cultures the kitchen can be a sanctum and the meals prepared there are close to divine. Always remember that if you do not like something, display a cheerful smile, carefully turn to hide from direct eye contact, and dispel the substance from the mouth without a groan, choke, or gag then continue to thank the cook and bestow blessings upon their children.

These might just have changed not only your travels, but changed the history of tourism itself. Keep these in a handy little note tucked firmly between the fold of a wallet, or even tattooed on your arm for easy access; regardless of how you remember them, always take the fate of your trip with a grain of salt. Things will happen unexpectedly even with extreme preparation and planning.
Who knows, you might just see yourself in one of those airplane disaster movies…

The Perfect Job for a Caveman is…

A writer.

Caveman comic *Google images

And that’s the problem; I’m no troglodyte. Instead I work a lot, trying to take care of myself and Mr. Fluffy (My imaginary cat friend who only exists in the very depths of my lonely soul). Rent is high (Too damn high!) and it seems like selling my liver might be the only aperture into middle class comfort. My schedule is horrendous, limiting the amount I write, maintaining this dilapidated blog, play TOR (In which I have become homesick after leaving Coruscant), and to socialize in my niche of half-baked friends.

11 am– I get up and “dress for success”.
12-1 pm– My usual biking adventure through 107 degree weather.
2 pm– Work
3 pm– Work
4 pm– Work
5 pm– Work
6 pm– Lunch!
6:30 pm– Back to work
7 pm– Work
8 pm– Work
9 pm– Work
10 pm– Work
10:30 pm– When the heavens sing and I make my way back to my rest chamber.
11 pm– I get a shower while responding back to the flooding of late texts
12 am – 3 am– After procuring a case of writers block, I stare at a blank page of nothingness, falling asleep to await the rinse-and-repeat process of the next day.

Perhaps a few nights of self-induced insomnia could allow me to finish the book that I am writing in the alloted time my procrastination is off shift.

The Rise of the Titans will surely be published soon…only delayed for another eight years hopefully.

Things You Will Never Hear Me Say

I’m a pretty outgoing person and I enjoy the adventure life becomes; hell, I’d streak in the snow for a Klondike, but regardless of my spontaneousness there are some things that will never escape from my pie-hole.

“What a pretty cobra; lets pet it!”

“I don’t mind if my food takes another thirty minutes.”

“Sarah Jessica Parker is so hot.”

“I’ll try the cow tongue.”

“Time to go on a diet.”

“Bungie jumping is great!”

“Spy Kids was an awesome movie?”

“You’re going to the Justin Beiber concert too?”

“I’m in love with Twilight/Twilight rocks!”

“What’s a heat-sink?”

“Playstation FTW!”

“I loved school.”

“ET is so adorable.”

“Can I get extra mushrooms?”

“My card declined? No biggie.”

“That was totally tubular.”

“Radical man!”

“Nicky Minaj is my hero.”

“Who’s J.J. Abrams?”

“My writing is awesome.”

“Electric fence? Good place to pee.”

“I’m going to look down the barrel.”

“Gurochan has some cool stuff.”

“Not pizza again…”

“Halo is for losers.”

“Kissing? Ewwwwwwww.”

The Insanity of Insanity

I am usually one who would rather prefer to sit at home cuddling up with a significant other while watching a good movie. Working out or exercise is something I havent done since the 7th grade, training on the grass covered gridiron, but after years of only biking frequently a few friends and I have decided to try the workout program known infamously as Insanity.

The order from Amazon was only the start to what we were to endure. The process not only required a large space for the exercises, but a whole fridge makeover. A certain diet to follow is what was suggested for the best results, forcing me to buy healthy stuff. Like fruits. And salad.

I knew from that on that I would have to sacrifice the sweet taste of soda and candy for the duration of the two months it would take to finish the Insanity program. 3 days later the DVD’s arrived and it was time to begin the extraneous activity. The four of us were ready to take it by the horns, participating in the fitness test as a warm up.

…That’s when we knew that the title lived up to it’s infamy.

We broke down in front of each other (not to mention girls too) and felt like our calves had exploded, our stomach churned with protein shakes ready to blow like Krakatoa, blood swelled in our pulsating brains, and sweat could be collected to fill a kiddy pool.

And we were only 13 minutes in.

For the first day update I have to say that it is not for the faint of heart. The first week will be spent redoing the fitness test till the immunity has built up to the point where we can start the actual exercises. May the force be with us all…

I Suck at Halo

Now not to look like a hypocrite, but even though I said I was moving everything related to gaming to Gaming the System, I thought that perhaps I need to promote the brother blog a bit more than it has. This is mostly for those who still visit my blog wondering where the Halo content went. 

“I suck!!!” has probably been said more times then I can successfully count, and with more than 10 years of experience on my belt, losing was a pathetic  event to witness. The frustration that followed was unnerving, and I couldn’t resist throwing my bedding into the air as if I was ripping the flesh off of some unfortunate individual, yelling things that would make the Chinese blush, harming myself via the controller (which has left weird, four-circle marks on my head, legs, and chest–yes, chest), and biting my pillow.

Then when I lose…
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Yeah.

 The mystery surrounding why I suck so badly at matchmaking is trying to figure out why we have an appendix. Or why men have nipples. Honestly I began playing online about 3 months ago under the assumption that It would be similar to playing campaign and never again did I think anything like that again. I was so bad I was ready to implode from my suckage and if God willing I could create my own Fails of the Week parody in a day. Wait, let me rephrase that: *clears throat* I still suck! Every match–instead of counting kills–I count deaths; death sprees, double deaths, triple deaths, deathamonjarros, death frenzies, and basically any other medal that is part to my demise.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been given plenty of tips from good friends who want to see me get better (for their own benefit and of the team) to avoid such depression. Regardless of how much I have been taught it seems that I still remain the weakest link. I used to get 1-3 kills on a good day, but now I get 10-20 on most. (Thanks to the contributions guys. Now, here’s a cookie.) So aside from my poisonous loser aura, I found out some things that might actually get my K/D ratio higher than .03:

  1. Play on a smaller screen– Who would have thought that perhaps getting the biggest, baddest flat screen was not the best decision for matchmaking (or for your bank account?) Apparently not me.
  2. Don’t run down the middle of the flippin’ hallways– For the love of Robin Hood and the merry men, when someone is trying to snipe down the horde of enemies coming your way, photobombing the scope view isn’t the most kodak worthy moment when you get betrayed. Crouching is the way to go.
  3. Watch the radar– How much of an idiot do you have to be to forget that it actually has some importance in the game. Not paying attention to it is like wearing an Elmo costume with a sign that says “I want someone to kick my ass”.
  4. Movement is key– If you want to play sitting ducks during a firefight, you’re paying the wrong flippin’ game.
  5. Learn you’re surroundings– You don’t have to major in geology, just take time to learn the maps you play on for the best results for you, your team, and your sanity.
  6. Take a chance– If anyone knew what it takes to get your foot in the door of a possible significant other’s life, you would know that any chance could be the last; same principle can be applied at the art of killing your friends and fellow relatives in the virtual realm of Halo.
  7. Stop spamming– No spamming the trigger, no spamming grenades, no spamming armor abilities, no spamming is good. Even spam in a can is bad, so don’t spam! Think, strategies, and remember that the turtle wins the race. (Figuratively.)

Well, that’s all I have for now. Perhaps one day I will look back on this post and realize that not only did I really, really suck, but that I only needed to apply simple strategies in order to become better. So, if I may ask: what helped you?

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